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Let's Talk About Emotions: ANGER

Writer's picture: Ren Ren

Updated: Jun 13, 2024

This morning I woke up and felt peaceful. I like to watch the sun rise over the houses across the street. I feel the cool sheets underneath my skin and revel in the sensation of comfort and safety. Then I remembered what happened to a friend of mine who recently passed and I immediately felt angry. I felt a cold burning in my chest. The coldest flame is supposed to be red and that is the color that I see as the sensation spreads throughout my body. I imagined a bright red viscous blob filling up my heart and spilling out from my thymus to my belly.


What to do with anger?


As children we are taught not to feel it, not to express it in any way that feels safe. Our parents got angry with us but when we felt angry, we were often sent to our rooms or punished in some way. To be fair, our parents were never taught how to safely express anger, either, and were most likely told that anger is a “bad” emotion. It is not. Anger, like other emotions, is meant to inform us. It is meant to give us information regarding a boundary that has been crossed or an injustice that has occurred. But since we are not taught that, we feel guilty and even ashamed when we feel anger. Maybe we do not trust ourselves to feel it even a little bit because of things we have heard and seen as an expression of anger. Anger is only dangerous if we use it to harm ourselves or others. If we repress it, we invite it to grow larger, leaving us with even more fear that we might not be able to control it if we allow it to release. We can release anger in a way that is safe, natural, and human. It is normal to feel and express anger. It is not normal to allow that expression to cause harm.


An Inner Child Practice: Am I Holding on to Repressed Anger?


1.) I invite us all to ask honestly if we are holding on to anger. Are some of our reactions to small things larger than expected? Do we have precious little time to pause before reacting?


2.) If so, we can look at our childhood first. What were our relationships like with our caregivers? If we look at the term caregiver, that could mean non-biological parents, older siblings, extended family, coaches, mentors, spiritual teachers, etc. We can think about each person who cared for us separately. How was anger expressed or repressed? What kind of things made our caregivers feel angry? Was it a natural anger or a boiled over rage? Was it fast or reactive? Scary?


3.) Notice that the mind wants us to believe that whatever happened in childhood was “not a big deal.” Observe how we rationalize that other people had it worse or that we are already over what happened in our childhoods. We are simply looking for patterns that may be coming up for us to shift now as grown adults. There is no need to judge. Be curious.


4.) If we bristle or get prickly feelings when reflecting upon the above, we may have some repressed anger. Most likely if we didn’t learn how to release anger safely as a child, we are holding some repressed anger. We may also feel angry about recent circumstances and we can look at that message, too. It is not our fault that no one taught us about anger but it is our responsibility to practice and learn to release it safely now.


A Practice to Safely Release Anger:


1.) When you feel calm, you can choose to pause and access the memories that contribute to feeling anger. Maybe it was a physical/emotional/mental/sexual boundary that was crossed. Maybe it was the embarrassment of being called names or we were made to feel small in front of others. Maybe it was long ago and also recent. What is the cause of our anger? What message might be underneath the anger? Are we also feeling grief, loneliness, guilt, anxiety, jealousy? This practice also works if you are feeling angry in the moment, but not so angry that you are in a rage. If you feel rage coming up, start a grounding practice immediately. Please see my blog post here and scroll down to GROUNDING TECHNIQUES.


2.) It may be tempting to confront some one or tell a person off when we feel wronged. Since anger is often a message relating to perceiving an injustice, it is easy to want to blame another person or a situation. A caution: going to speak with the person/people we feel have wronged us without pausing to process our feelings and release them will cause more damage. We can get tangled up in the anger and increase it. It is imperative that we take the time to process our feelings and release what we can before deciding what action steps to take. This will protect us from further feelings of guilt or shame.


3.) We can safely express our anger by doing something physical that contributes to our wellbeing. I am a big fan of HITT (High Intensity Interval Training), Dance Cardio or Tabata training and love to pound the floor with my feet and lift weights. Sometimes I push against a wall or do plank poses when I feel angry. I like the feeling of a solid ground under my arms and legs.


I might play my favorite rock music and give my body a good shake out.

A good long walk is also helpful, something that really tires me out and helps me to realize that there is more to my life than my anger.


I love to journal my thoughts about how I was treated or what I expected to happen, crumple up the paper and then throw it out, sort of like a ceremonial releasing.

It can also be helpful to write the person or about a situation regarding an injustice, saying exactly what you want to say, and then destroy the letter.


Affirmations can help with safe release as well. I like something along the lines of: “I release this anger with love for myself. I hear the message of anger and commit to learn the lesson that was present. I can choose to let go of these complicated thoughts and my feelings. I decide to move forward with healing.”


4.) Have a plan for anger. I cannot stress this enough. Learn your triggers and which release techniques work for your anger. We are human and will become triggered by anger. It is inevitable. What we do not wish to do is let it boil into rage and damage ourselves and others deeply. Any anger that we push down may stay in our bodies, harming us, restricting us. Anger that has not been released as it was meant to, with care and understanding in the moment, can contribute to anxiety and depression as we turn it inward.


5.) Breathe. Breathe deeply from your belly. Follow your breath from your head to your toes. Follow your breath from your toes to your head. Picture a white light moving up and down your body, swirling and mixing with your breath. Breathe and feel free to get out of the situation in a moment if anger arises in you. You have many workable choices and if you wish, you can take a moment to walk outside or to use the restroom if you are feeling angry. You can splash some cold water on your face, visualize the anger leaving you and try again.


6.) Please utilize the many healing resources available to you. Whether it is seeing a mental health or wellness professional, an energy healing, or reading a book on how to feel and heal emotions, you can learn to accept and release your anger in healthy ways.


We all need support and it is accessible.


I hope this helps.





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