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Let's Talk About Skills: Shift into Abundance Thinking

Writer's picture: Ren Ren

Updated: Feb 28, 2024

A lot of my clients say they do not have time to take care of themselves. This is understandable because we have been taught to pay attention to the external. We must take care of all of the things and the people outside of ourselves and that doesn't leave time for us. While this can be a truth to some extent, I’m writing today to encourage you to build in some time for yourself. One thing I learned as a busy 40-something was that attending to my needs often doesn't take much time. We can take small moments throughout our day to check in and see how we are doing.


In my experience starting the first thing in the morning is helpful. It may sound unnecessary or perhaps you are thinking that you do not have time to do that. But you do. You can wake up 5 minutes earlier and give yourself the gift of waking up slowly. You can start with 3 things you feel grateful for when you wake, which will start your brain on the path to finding more things you enjoy and feel good about throughout your day. Sometimes if I have trouble with what to feel grateful for I start with food, shelter and water. I think about how fortunate I am to have those things. I recognize that not everyone does. I build on the basics and start to remember the moment of laughter I had with my partner or the moment of connection I felt with someone at work.


Starting in the morning first things also makes sense because of the way our brains work. Our brains are designed to protect us, not to give us peace. Your brain often wants you to stay small and do the same thing over and over because it was conditioned to keep you alive when large animals roaming the earth tried to eat human beings. Your thoughts can easily run faster and faster like a bullet train throughout your day. Or you may have a mind full of different bullet trains moving across the synapses of your brain. This does not have to be how you choose to live. You can hold your thoughts with curiosity and care and choose to see how they affect you.


Many problems begin in our minds. We may have unconsciously adopted thoughts from our upbringing. Many of us create thought patterns based on the need to survive instead of embracing thoughts that help us live with more ease. Our thoughts create our reality. How we think about ourselves and others creates our sense of self and our relationship connections. How we think about time either opens up opportunities or shifts us into the prison of lack.


Think about the last thought you had. It could be something benign like, “I wish I had time to read but I just can’t seem to find any.” The result of this thought is that your brain continues to actively seek evidence that this is true. We may start to see patterns around how long it takes us to make dinner or do the laundry. We could then feel sad when we think about what we are lacking, (the ability to read in this case.) We might tell ourselves that we are too tired to stay awake and read a few pages. So we might go to sleep feeling sad and stuck in lack. We believed our thoughts without question and went to sleep stuck in an emotion without listening or understanding the message of that emotion. If we continue not to attend to our thoughts and feelings, the emotions from this day can compound over the next days. We will continue to think thoughts about what we are missing. This is a simplified example, but it helps for demonstration purposes. Our thoughts often lead to emotion which creates a behavior, or prevents us from creating a new behavior.


How can we mess this up? (I love to mess up unworkable behavioral patterns!)


In my example, we could do a number of things differently. One thing we can do is to ask the question, “what if I have enough time to read? What would that look like?” Allow yourself to look at the potential solutions and challenge yourself to find ways to make your time work for you. Another thing we could do would be to look at our priorities. Society would like us to believe that we have unlimited energy but our energy is finite. It is important for us to look closely at our values and priorities and to start shifting our energy and focus in that direction. An easy habit shift for me was noticing that I was spending an hour on social media or watching the news and I determined that 30 minutes would be enough so that I could have time for my own reading.


The biggest hack for shifting behavioral patterns is to become more aware of our thoughts. We can step back from our thoughts as an observer and commit to laying them out, almost as if we are laying objects out on a table to determine which can stay and which need to go to donation (goodbye!) When I lay out items on the table to donate, I think, “Do I want to keep this shirt? How about those pants?” It is a similar process to look at a thought and to ask if I want to follow it. We control our thoughts, our thoughts do not control us.


Ask yourself about your thoughts. Consider writing them out for 2-3 minutes, not judging, just writing what comes from your mind. That will help you get some distance and then you can ask more questions. Is this thought workable? Is it helpful? Is it too far in the future to know the answer? Can I give myself a break and come back to this moment that I am in?

When I did this, I started saying, “Oh, that thought again? No thanks.”


If we decide to dismiss unhelpful thoughts, we can go back to the moment we are in. We can be present with what is in front of us and around us. We can notice that right now, everything is pretty okay. We can shift our thoughts or our energy by trying something different, sometimes anything different can help. Practicing grounding is very helpful. You can also change your environment, go outside or down the hall to a place with a window. Look at the sky for a moment. Listen to your favorite song. Try breathing in for 4 counts, holding for 4 counts, breathing out for 4 counts, and holding for 4 counts. This is called Square Breathing and can help you to breathe more easily. When we can breathe, we can begin to reframe our thinking.


Abundance thinking is expansive. Instead of a cold or restrictive energy, it feels aligned, open and full of potential. Planting seeds that are in alignment with an abundance mindset is helpful once you are in a calm and grounded state.


Examples of abundance thoughts you can try include:


I have enough time and everything is working out for me.

I can slow down and take a moment to make the best decision for me.

What is meant for me will be for me.

I am worthy of success/love/happiness.

My value doesn't change, I am always valuable.

I am capable. I am confident. I am strong. I am wise. I am helpful. I am calm.

I can ask for help and it will come.


When we come back to the present moment and are aware of what is here in the moment, we can make choices that are in alignment with our values. We can see solutions instead of problems. We can ask ourselves if the thing we are worrying about is in our control. If not, there is no need to continue to worry or think about it. We can focus our energy on something else that is in our control, that helps us to feel good about ourselves, accomplished, joyful or connected. If the thing we are thinking about is within our control, great! Now we can brainstorm potential solutions or ask for support and ideas.


If we spend less time worrying about things, most likely we will have more time. Time is precious but it is not scarce. We can create the day, the schedule and the life that we wish to create. It starts with a commitment to let go of worry and unhelpful thoughts. Then we can identify, feel, and attend to our emotions. Before we know it, we are creating new, healthy behaviors that make us feel good about who we are and more excited about life. We are the Creators and we decide whether or not to believe or to allow our thoughts. We decide if we take a few moments to feel our feelings and to connect with our breath or to ground into the present moment in order to find solutions. We decide how we want to show up every day and how we spend our time.


I hope this helps.





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