Regret is the feeling that if we would have chosen another path, things would have turned out differently. When I say differently, I mean better. Our imagination projects images of a path without any pain. And we punish ourselves for taking the painful path. This is all an illusion. Every path has some pain, pain is inevitable in this life. Suffering is optional. Regret keeps suffering alive.
I felt all kinds of regret immediately upon hearing about my friend’s death last year. My mind raced with all kinds of choices I could have made in the past to lead to a different outcome. It is almost as if I convinced myself for a time if I would have just done this thing or said that thing, she would still be here. There would be no pain.
Regret is different from guilt in my mind. It is more about the past and the imagination it takes to consider that there was one “right” fork in the road and we did not take it. My rational mind knows that I could not have done anything to escape this pain but my
subconscious mind is still stuck in the delusion that I could have controlled some crucial factor related to this situation. I have decided that it is time to work on releasing regret.
RELEASE REGRET:
1.) We can decide not to live in the past. It may sound strange that it is a choice, but I assure you that it is. Everything about your experience is a choice if you are aware of it. I am bringing myself back into the current moment whenever I am aware that my mind is travelling backwards or wishing for me to turn back time. Heck I am doing that right now. It’s a practice.
2.) Don’t dwell. One of my favorite old rock songs is called ‘Don’t Dwell.’ “She said the things I obsess I would never confess and I told her don’t dwell. That will leave you in hell.” You cannot time travel backwards. What is done is done. Forgive yourself. Forgive others. Find meaning in asking yourself questions such as, What did I learn? How can I do better next time. If you learn from your experiences, then you are growing instead of repeating similar lessons. Release any feelings of guilt or shame. Love more, dwell less on the things you cannot change.
3.) Accept yourself. Even if you did make a mistake when you had a fork in the road and chose one path, that does not mean that the other path did not hold pain. I repeat, you will never know what kind of pain that other fork in the road held for you. But did it hold pain? Inevitably. Pain is a part of being alive. We learn to hold it, to ask for support, to embrace it. But no path that I have seen on this planet is free from pain. Accept that and accept the choice you made. We have to make choices in life, this is how we learn. Otherwise, we don’t learn, we don’t grow and what sort of life can we really lead?
4.) You are not alone. Every human being feels pain and has to figure out how to hold that pain. Yes, even people with lots of money and resources and friends and beauty and whatever coveted characteristic or possession you can imagine. We can learn to manage our pain so that it doesn’t take over. So that it is not all that we are. Ask for support, ask someone to listen. Receive someone’s presence and witness to your pain. But first, please witness your own pain with love. Receive love for yourself and for your own pain. “I am here with you. I see you are hurting. I will not leave you. I will help you see this through.” Say it to yourself and see what happens.
5.) Transmute your negative thoughts–shift them. Look for the positive or even the neutral in the situation if it feels too far away to think about the good. No one has to sit in their dense emotions or disempowerment. Your feelings are messengers not a life sentence. No one needs to hold on to negative, mean or judgmental thoughts. Embrace the beauty in you. Write down what you like about yourself or the time you made a great decision. Tell yourself: “I am learning. I am growing. I am healing. I will get through this. I can ask for support.”
6.) Realize that regret only steals your joy. It has no purpose because it is all about imagining that there was no pain in that other choice. In order to fully shift out of an emotion like regret, we must seek joy, too. We are not meant to suffer, to shrink, to pine away all of the time. We were created to be playful, creative, funny and positive. Take a step towards being one of those things. What did you like to do as a child? I always go back to nature, that was such a part of growing up for me, wandering in the fields. I feel alive and in awe as I spend time outside. I go back to that space when I want to release regret.
I hope this helps. Sending you peace.
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