I am not always a patient person. I like doing things that come easily to me or I do not like doing them. Waiting for results, in lines, in traffic…these are not my favorite things. Similarly, I find that my brain strains to figure out what will happen next and my ego steps in to predict things so that I do not have to wait to find out anything. Many times, I am wrong about what I thought was going to happen. I think, “I could have been patient and not spent so much time worry or trying to plan it all out.”
Patience can be described as the ability to accept delay, and tolerate pain or challenge. I am struggle sometimes because I am still cultivating patience. I picture myself as a gardener, pulling up the roots of old habits and expectations. I tend to the soil of peace and possibility, watering it daily. Then I wait for the blooming.
As humans we like certainty. Our brains are wired to seek it so that we can feel safe, grounded and confident. When we are not sure of what is to come or when we are fearful of what is to come, patience can feel like a soothing balm. It may not come naturally to you as it doesn’t for me. It is a practice to accept the way things are, to let go of our expectations of others or of the outcomes we have dreamed up in our minds. We get busy in our mind space making things complicated when life can be much simpler if we are present in this moment. I like to recall this writing when I feel impatient:
"Simplicity, patience, compassion. These three are your greatest treasures. Simple in actions and thoughts, you return to the source of being. Patient with both friends and enemies, you accord with the way things are. Compassionate toward yourself, you reconcile all beings in the world."
-Lao Tzu, The Tao Te Ching
A Short Practice for Building Patience:
1.) Start with setting the intention that your desire is to cultivate patience. The goal is to return to a calm center. Having a calm center allows you to operate from a place of creativity, compassion. patience and ease. You can turn down the noise of your mental space, leave behind the stress you felt moments ago and return to a place where you can ‘BE’ in simplicity. You are a human be-ing. It is natural to just be.
2.) Check in with yourself and ask how you are doing. Give yourself breaks, drink water, listen to your favorite song. Then ask honestly if you are trying to push or force ideas, will or expectations on others. Are you trying to control outcomes that are not controllable? Are your expectations too high? Are you pushing away discomfort? Write about it to get some perspective and neutrality so you can make changes if you so choose.
3.) Practice tolerating waiting. Consider letting people go in front of you in traffic. Leave for your destination a few minutes earlier and listen to music or a podcast you are excited about so you do not feel as if you are in a rush. Maybe you could allow people with a few items to check out before you at the store. Think about how your time is not more precious or valuable than some one else’s. Recognize that we are all valuable and are doing our best to juggle the many responsibilities we have in a day.
4.) Commit to slowing down. Most things are not as urgent as your brain wants you to believe. What if you don't have to fix anything right now? Sometimes things take time. Try an affirmation such as: “I have enough time and everything is working out for me,” Say it aloud and take deep breaths. You can also try: “There is no rush to figure this out. Everything will come to me in time.” You can slow down, pay attention and stay open to your experience, you can even enjoy the space that waiting allows you. You can make the choice to relax into the moment. Remember that figuring out most solutions to our problems requires support. You can ask for support. You can do a lot of things, even if they take time.
5.) Try to find your playful side. Maybe you can make yourself laugh in line or in traffic. Isn’t it silly that waiting feels hard sometimes? Tell yourself a joke, listen to or watch something funny, tap into your desire to laugh and have fun when you are waiting. Chat up the person next to you. If you didn't know already, cars and lines are also for singing and dancing to music. Find your groove.
6.) Practice active listening. If you feel yourself being impatient with people you care about, make an effort to listen more intently. Breathe and listen without formulating a response. Take a pause to ensure that you understand the meaning of their words by reframing what they said. Then pause again to formulate a response to what they said. After you speak, check in with your communication partner to ensure that they understand your meaning. Practicing these pauses in conversation aids our patience, our connection and helps us to avoid misunderstandings that can trigger more impatience.
7.) Allow your thoughts about what you wish was happening instead to come and then let them go. Do not invite the thoughts about how you have to hurry up, get there faster or rush to stay. You don't have to listen to these thoughts. You can shift them and return to the moment you are in, knowing that things will work out.
8.) Try a grounding practice. Maybe you focus on the colors of the room, count to 50 or pay attention to how your feet feel on the ground. I imagine roots coming out of my spine and grounding down, down, down into the earth. You can try an affirmation such as, “I am here in this moment and this moment is pretty good,” Or think to yourself. “Stay right here. It will work out. You’re doing okay.”
I hope this helps. Sending you patience.

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