I Was Finally Diagnosed with C-PTSD - What I Want to Share so You'll Know Sooner

For most of my life, I thought I was just too sensitive.

Too emotional. Too reactive. Too much.

Or maybe not enough: not disciplined enough, not logical enough, not “together” enough to handle life like other people seemed to.

I spent years doing inner work. Therapy. Somatic healing. Energy work. Teaching others how to find themselves — while still feeling like something was quietly wrong inside me.

Recently a skilled professional who embodies mind body and spirit wellness gently named what no one else had ever said:

“You probably already know this, but everything you're saying points to Complex PTSD. Do you know that you have that?" And, because this person was brave and knew deeply that I needed to hear it, she revealed to me, "This is exactly what I'm working on, too. We are right in the same place."

And suddenly, the pieces started to create a recognizable pattern. The years of habits, compulsions, cruel inner criticisms, failed relationships, anxiety, mental fog and deep depression made some kind of sense.

💔 What is C-PTSD?

C-PTSD, or Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, isn’t caused by a single event. It’s caused by ongoing relational trauma — often emotional neglect, chronic criticism, misattunement, or growing up in an environment where your needs weren’t met and your emotions weren’t welcome. It can also mean emotional/sexual/physical abuse, or surviving horrific events, but these things are not necessary to meet the requirements for the diagnosis.

C-PTSD can also come from:

• Repeated abandonment or betrayal

• Long-term bullying

• Controlling or emotionally immature caregivers or partners

• Being a “high-functioning” person who was silently falling apart inside

  
  

😔 I Didn’t Recognize It Because…

My parents stopped hitting me when I was 7 or 8. That wasn't enough time to harm me, I would think. And mostly my childhood looked “fine.” I was the overachiever, the fixer, the one people came to for support. I was also exhausted, flooded, emotionally raw, and full of shame I couldn’t name.

I saw myself in all four trauma responses (you might too):

• Fawn – people-pleasing, losing myself to stay connected

• Freeze – shutting down or spacing out when life felt overwhelming

• Flight – staying busy, productive, or earning to feel worthy

• Fight – perfectionism, control, anger, especially toward myself

  
  

But I never put it together. Not until someone gave me a name for the pain I had normalized. When someone put together that the "undiagnosed ADD" plus the diagnosed anxiety, hair picking and other compulsions was something different altogether.

🕯️ What I Wish Someone Had Told Me Sooner

• You don’t have to have “big trauma” to carry deep, complex wounds.

• Your overreactions are really just over-protections your nervous system created.

• If you’ve spent years wondering what’s wrong with you — you’re not broken. You never were. You adapted to survive.

• The parts of you that coped are brilliant. And they don’t have to run the show anymore.

  
  

🌀 If This Sounds Familiar…

Please don’t wait as long as I did.

Start exploring C-PTSD gently — with love, not fear. Here are some places you might begin:

• Books by Pete Walker (Start with Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving)

• Somatic healing and nervous system work (try Deb Dana, Peter Levine, or Nicole LePerla)

• The life changing work of Lindsay Gibson who wrote "Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents" and other great books

• Inner child practices — especially for grief, anger, and unmet needs. Reparenting yourself without shame is crucial to your recovery

• Listening to your body, your gut, and your soul again. Start slowly - commit to slowing down. Check in with your body in the morning and evening. Say things like "I'm here to listen. You are safe."

  
  

❤️ You Don’t Need to Start Over — Just Start from Here

I sometimes wish I could do life over again, knowing what I know now. I am grieving the years I lost — and the parts of myself I abandoned just to survive.

But now I see:

I didn’t fail my life. My life failed to give me the language to understand what I was carrying.

Now I have that language. Now I build something new — for me, and for others.

And if you’re still reading this… maybe it’s your time too.

With love,

Ren 🕊️